1st new post 15.10.2020
Well it's been a while, but I did away with the old blog and got a this Google Sites setup instead. Now this is my current new entry into the deep end.
It has been a very long time since I have posted anything and I'm currently working on both this: my personal page and blog section, and the other page with different crafts I come up with. The picture for this post is a TBT as today actually is Thursday... No real update for now as I'm trying to figure out how to work on Google Sites. It's basically a document from what I'm gathering, that could be almost any generic publication type of setting with the most basic of options.
Some musings from the past month... 16.10.20
Well it's been about 10 weeks... since the last time I wanted to keep up with this and it has been a whirlwind of a time. I quarantined with people who were positive for COVID-19 among other things. Incidentally, I have yet to be infected by the virus at this point.
As we close this year, I am reminded of how ungrateful I can be. I have been pretty fed up with the white savior complex among other toxic traits of western culture. Mostly I have come to question how much I am to blame for perpetuating this type of behavior and how haughty I have been in being "woke".
Well it's been about 1 week into the new year and I'm still not done with 2020. Incidentally, I still have Christmas presents from 2019 I have yet to open. With the current state of things, I have not been able to be at peace though. I can't stand most reactions from people who are so aggressive to us POC, but sadly sometimes it is other POC that are the ones to blame. In my particular situation though, it is specific people that are so in your face about how great they are as people and hold what is called a white savior complex. I honestly cannot tolerate it any longer. The idea that I must hold someone in high esteem because I am told to do so... yeah nope.
In the words of someone recently complaining about me this "will not be tolerated". I am so sick of the gaslighting and emotional abuse in general and having to put up with it because I'm me. Sorry y'all don't get the same abuse, please hold the opinion and take a seat. Funny how with one specific roomate another person of a similar cultural background as mine, had similar issues... yeah I guess we are the problem because we are minorities and need to catch up and live the american dream ideals, including learning to love the abuse by our aggressors in the name of character building and/or assimilation.
This month marks the 2 year anniversary of one of the most difficult recovery periods of my life. I lost 3 months worth of memories, so I don't exactly know what happened nor for how long... I had 2 almost consecutive strokes and flat lined for the 7th time.
I cannot express to you how much I know deep down that there is a God I believe in and that I am indeed loved. While flat lined several times, I have heard God's voice tell me I am loved and I am brought back every time... do I wish I stayed? well I don't ever want to come back, there's just no comparing the love in that moment to what people call living.
That has led me to a point in my existence where I no longer sit around tolerating abuse as much. I do take it, but not as much as I did before. To those I've lost because of their own choices, well, it was great spending time with you while we enjoyed each other. I am being more responsible with what I have been given and I'm not going to let others take what little joys I have.